Posted by: Nick Norelli | May 7, 2008

Causing Offense

I just received a phone call from my friend who is a pastor.  He had just finished with Bible study and he wanted to call me up to tell me that a member of his congregation had backslid and that apparently I had something to do with it.  The young man was there and he put him on the phone with me, and basically, this gentleman blamed me for turning away from God.  I won’t go into specifics, but the young man wasn’t entirely truthful with my friend/his pastor, and although I don’t feel responsible for his backsliding, he genuinely seemed to feel that something I did contributed to it.  Rather than argue with the young man I simply apologized and offered a few words of encouragement.  I’m now debating whether to set the record straight with my friend or just leave it alone.  Someone being less than honest about something that I have done isn’t the end of the world, but I would hate to think that one of my closest friends would allow this to affect the way he views me.  I guess I’ll just take it to God in prayer and see what he wants me to do.

B”H

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Responses

disclaimer: this is not a prayerful, compassionate response. but i think you should definitely explain the situation to your friend. i don’t see any reason to stand for someone accusing you of that for which you are not guilty.

By: Tim Ricchuiti on May 8, 2008
at 12:20 am

Tim: Thanks for weighing in. I probably will end up explaining the situation as it really happened.

By: Nick Norelli on May 8, 2008
at 12:40 am

I would think one of your closest friends would know you better.

Barring that, I would think a close friend would be open to hearing your side of the story with an open mind. Especially when told with “gentleness and reverence”.

By: Chuck Grantham on May 8, 2008
at 1:44 am

Chuck: I’m sure he knows that I would never intentionally cause someone to stumble, but at work we have a matter of different convictions. My friend is personally convicted that a certain thing is wrong, whereas I am not, and this thing is directly involved here.

By: Nick Norelli on May 8, 2008
at 1:49 am

Ah, I see as much as I need to see. Thanks. 8)

By: Chuck Grantham on May 8, 2008
at 3:17 am

From your response to Chuck, my guess is that this somehow involves a somewhat “gray” area that can be for some ppl a stumbling block. As I really don’t know the situation (or you), I don’t mean to be out of line with this comment, but perhaps it will cause you to rethink your views on this gray/stumbling block issue.

I will say that even if you WERE a stumbling block to this person, I believe that if he backslide, it’s still “his own fault” as it were…perhaps you made it “easier” for him, but even if you put a gun to his head, he could still have chosen to be shot. Perhaps not the best example, but you get the idea.

By: Rhea on May 8, 2008
at 3:41 am

Chuck: Well get ready to see a bit more. I’ve been thinking about it, and it won’t hurt the situation to just give some basic details.

Rhea: I don’t think the area is really a gray one. The issue is secular rap music. I listen to it, my friend doesn’t. Neither of us believe that it is a sin to do so, but he believes that it is wrong (which raises questions about how it isn’t a sin then, but that’s another issue).

I listened to some rap around this young man and then weeks later when he backslid he blamed it on my listening to a couple of songs in my car. But he twisted the details of what actually happened with talking to his pastor/my friend.

By: Nick Norelli on May 8, 2008
at 8:51 am

I’d make the requisite remark about rap, but you know what I’d say already and honesty forces me to admit some of the films I watch would likely draw much the same response in certain quarters.

Of course I think poor Paul can be abused as well as anyone else. I can’t imagine Paul was a complete wet blanket doing NOTHING for fear of harming immature Christians. Certainly a good translation reveals his language was quite forceful.

Ah, to lead an unexamined life….

By: Chuck Grantham on May 8, 2008
at 10:12 am

Chuck: In this particular situation, I asked the kid if he minded whether or not I turn the music on, because I know that his pastor teaches against listening to it. I purposely tried to avoid sending a mized signal, but he assured me that it was ok because he listened to rap. That’s what’s really ticking me off about the whole thing, because the way this guy presented it is not the way it happened at all. And the more I think about the whole thing, I kind of regret even apologizing to the kid. Oh well… Such is life.

By: Nick Norelli on May 8, 2008
at 10:24 am

Nick you listen to Rap music? Now I am going to backslide. You will be getting a phone call from my Pastor as well ;-)

Nick, in my opinion you did the right thing, and handled it very well. But I like the rest I also think that you should chat with your friend, and give him a bit more details. Plus it sounds like the kid is just using you as an excuse, there is something else going on.

By: Robert on May 8, 2008
at 12:52 pm

Robert: Ha! Well, don’t expect me to be as apologetic in your case! ;)

There’s definitely more going on, and a lot I’m not revealing about the situation. I’m hesitating to say a lot of what I think about the whole thing.

By: Nick Norelli on May 8, 2008
at 1:02 pm

Nick, I don’t think that you need to clarify here and I think it is a private matter. I think that you shared enough for us to give you some feedback to should help you in your decision.

By: Robert on May 8, 2008
at 1:25 pm

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